My name is Michelle, I’m nineteen years old, & trying to start over. I really just want to be healthy

Not really much of a story.. I’ve been fat ever since I can remember. I seriously just can’t remember skinny, or even beauty for that matter. I’ve forgotten how to love myself really. I can’t remember having small legs, or how it feels to have a flat stomach. I don’t remember what it’s like to have long, gorgeous hair that takes forever to brush through. I can’t remember being comfortable with my stomach showing, and not wearing a sweater to cover up my imperfections. I think I lost skinny at age 8. I started eating a lot, you know ? I was a kid, food was good man, I stuffed my face with all the goods my parents stocked up on in the house. You know, delicious tasting shit is usually super bad for you. And thats all there really was. It got out of hand, to say the least and so now I’m left here thinking; “You know, I wish I had the same mentality I have now, back when i was in middle school.” Because if I did, everything would be different. I wouldn’t eat such a large breakfast, lunch,
& dinner - I wouldn’t munch a whole bag of chips to myself, or eat that extra row of cookies. I wouldn’t spend my allowance on junk, or fast food, and I would have saved my pay checks for something more useful then packing on the pounds. I would have exercised a few times weekly. I wouldn’t have been so socially awkward or bullied. My classmates wouldn’t have given me the nickname “titless [insert last name here]”. I would have stayed on the sports teams I enjoyed so much, and not quit because I didn’t have friends on the squad. I wouldn’t have gone home crying everyday, feelings sorry for myself - stuffing my feelings down my throat the minute I got home. I wouldn’t have lost the best job I ever had, & I would have saved my checks more efficiently. I would have taken more risks, and tried new things. I would have talent(s). I would have tried harder in school, and been graduated on time. I wouldn’t have hesitated to speak my mind, or be honest with you, or myself. I wouldn’t have been a compulsive liar, or a push over. I would save myself from abusive relationships.I wouldn’t let boys dump me, or cheat on me because I was too fat or not good enough. I wouldn’t have fallen in love with such a loser, and indulged in his alcoholic habits - which only caused more weight gain. I would be nicer, more understanding & realistic. I would stand up for myself, and what I believe in. I wouldn’t hold back. 
But you see, I could spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, even years; over analyzing everything - thinking about what would’ve, could’ve been. I can try to put the pieces together.. or I can leave the pieces on the floor, and move the fuck on. & thats what I’m doing - fuck the past, its irrelevant now. It dose not matter what I did, it matters what I do now. & now, I’m doing something I’m completely dedicated and sincere about. I can do this, if I stay legit, and put my mind to it. I just know I can. I will. 
…
Just watch me. ;)